When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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