My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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