Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
