please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
