NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
