Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
