And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
