sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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