I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
