those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
