Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
