3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
