i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
