Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
