I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
