Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
