you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
