The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
