I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize