This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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