You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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