East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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