so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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