did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
