He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
