My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
