in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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