my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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