I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
In America we eat man semen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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