I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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