I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize