Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
