I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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