Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
