well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
