so let's talk penis.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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