Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
