so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize