well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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