??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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