So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
