VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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