he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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