Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
