So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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