in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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