You just made me feel so damn special
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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