is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
