so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
