Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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