I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
