apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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