i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
