Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
