i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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