I wannas sexs uuuuu
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
