Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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