we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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