I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
