I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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